It's Me, Not You

I'm sorry dear sun, we have to end our love affair for a while.

Ow.

 

















- xx

Conflictions

Sometimes don't you just feel like giving up?

I'm in the middle of allegiance warfare. Who do I give my first attention to? Who do I owe loyalty to? Should I think of others first then myself in these matters, or is it the other way round?

Right now I don't know whether I should stay as uncomfortable as I am to keep the peace or shed some of it and say something. Gah! I guess if it keeps going then I have to say something, it's gonna drive me nuts.

And that got me thinking; loyalty can give someone strength and make them happy but it can also offend and upset. Then again, it all relies on the context and the status of the loyalty. If it's kept, then it can be a beautiful bond, a feeling straight from the heart... but if it's broken then it turns into something ugly and hurtful, because there's nothing worse than losing faith in something you trust. 

I guess that's why most of us avoid giving our loyalty to a single thing or person, because it's hard to regain once it's lost. I mean, it's the basis of all friendships, love, family, club or anywhere that gives a sense of being. Without it, all these things just wilt and cease to be anymore. Without loyalty, a person is just a sheep, following what others do because it's the easiest, or taking no loyalty at all because they're afraid. 

And what kind of life is that, where you're afraid, and determined to be invisible or not stand out in any way? 

I know I may seem harsh but when a person has a beautiful life and is still 'sitting on the fence' because they don't want to offend or lose something or someone, then they might just find others loyalty in them waning, and even end up losing everything.

 

- xx

Image (c) Cosmin Marica

Brain Activity

"Oh for a life of sensations rather than thoughts."

- John Keats

When things get rough, you tough it out. So that's what I'm doing; what I do the best. Being tough.

And how come I'm not only bombarded with my own problems, but the predicaments of others as well? Who do I look like, Mother Teresa?

- xx

Gasbagging and Tea

I've recently just come back from my dad's jaunt up in Maryborough, hence the lack of posts on here, and am finding myself thoroughly bored now that I'm separated from the crystal blue, deserted, 50m outdoor pool that holds much of Maryborough's attraction. That, and the amazing treasure trove of opp shops that are there. Seriously, Maryborough is an opp shoppers Eden.

So with this new found boredom I thought you might want to get to know me better, and thanks to a questionnaire I found on a friends blog, I hope it's kind of interesting. Cheers Camilla   : )

1. Your hair: Blonde and long. Veeeery long. 
2. Where is your phone: ... Guilty. I have no idea.
3. Your father: Surveyor of his property.
4. Your mother: Works to much.
5. Your favourite food: Hearty mexican Enchiladas with avacado.
6. Your dream from last night: That I put a hole in my wetsuit and started crying. Which is true, I would cry.
7. Your favourite drink: Ice coffee, whatever the weather.
8. Your dream/goal: To see my dad swim in the seven oceans. And swim them with him.
9. What room are you in: The unimpressive loungeroom.
10. What is your hobby: Writing. I'm actually doing a book, you should check it out sometime.
11. What is your fear: Seeing my parents pass away.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years: Ahhh, hopefully writing full time for a science journal, with a house and maybe be married.. if I can stand a guy long enough to marry him.
13. Where were you last night: Recovering from the Rip View ocean swim.
14. Something you are not: Grounded and sensible.
15. Muffins: Clarissa's, and Jenni's famous apple and cinnamon ones.
16. Wish list item: Exactly the same as Camilla actually, a nice new macbook. You'll be mine when I turn 18 oh sweet piece of technology.
17. Where did you grow up: In many places. Wagga Wagga, Orange, Daisy Hill, Maryborough, Hamilton, Ballarat/Daisy Hill. In chronological order.
18. Last thing you did: Raided Jenni's CD collection while she is over in NZ.
19. What are you wearing: My signature t-shirt and shorts.
20. Your TV: Needs an update a-sap.
21. Your pets: Murphy and Molly. Deliberately named so they both start with an M. Both have way too much sway in the house.
22. Your friends: Bunch of nutcases.
23. Your life: Perfect.
24. Your mood: Freakin' tired.
25. Missing someone: Clarissa, cos she's jetted off to Torquay just as I come back from Maryborough. What timing.
26. Vehicle: Fingers crossed for a Ducati Monster.
27. Something you're not wearing: Something pretty. I'm all for comfort.
28. Your favourite store: Any bookstore. My love affair with books has been a steady relationship for about 13years now.
29. Your favourite colour: Bluuuue, glorious glorious blue.
30. Whens the last time you laughed: At my brother sporting a Mohawk.
31. Whens the last time you cried: Christmas day. With laughter. 
32. Your best friend: Clarissa who has abandoned me for Torquay.
33. One place you go over and over: Any place where there's water. Beach, pool, dam. You name it.
34. One person who emails you regularly: Fucking Facebook.
35. Favourite place to eat: While on the run.

In 79 days I turn into an adult.

- xx

I Love A Sunburnt Country

"A land of sweeping plains, 

Of ragged mountain ranges,

Of drought and flooding rains..."

One of my favourites... but I didn't just mention it randomly, it's linked somehow, I swear. 

I was riding up to my violin lesson and I found myself super dooper early so in a heat-induced desperation, sought shade in the bush lining the road. As soon as I was engulfed by the gums I felt at home, secure.

That got me thinking of my affinity with the bush, how that if I could live anywhere in the world, I guess I would ultimately choose a large house smack bang in the middle of the Australian bush with a expansive veranda, hammock and large windows. Sure Paris has the fashion, culture and history, New York the modernism and opportunities, Tokyo's buzz or the lazy Mediterranean. They all have fantastic points to them, but I would only feel like a foreigner. And that's bound to happen where-ever I go with this milky skin colour.

I guess in the bush, it's somewhere that I'm comfortable. I can be moi without the etiquettes of society or the need to interact. It's like a release, a certain- can't believe I'm saying this- freedom..

Now before you laugh, pat me on my head and send me on my way, just wait and think. I reckon everyone has experienced this kind of satisfaction at least once, so can you remember when you felt something similar?

 

So I stayed there until I really had to move or I would be late and Mrs Smith would be twiddling her thumbs wondering whether I had been hit by a rouge 4WD. But man, I could have sat there an eternity and gotten thoroughly sunburnt.